Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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