I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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