trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
