I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
