I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So many bounce houses so little time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
