oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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