i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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