how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
