I have demons in me.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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