I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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