Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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