Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
