The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
