I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
