Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
