No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wear drunk well.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
