We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
