so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So much rum. So many feels.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
