that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
