Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Everything about him screamed your future.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
