The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
