Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
