I think I won the penis lottery.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
