FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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