Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
