Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Randomize
