I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Houston, we have a blender
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
