i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
