i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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