somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
