Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
