Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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