Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
