genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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