Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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