At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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