i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
