It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
