craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
