She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
