Umm I'm too high to move.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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