he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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