Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
