Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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