i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
