I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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