k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
