its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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