The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
