Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
birth control should be required to get into college
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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