that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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